Easing Toddler Tantrums

We are starting to enter into a new phase in Alexville. Tantrums. The man knows what he wants, and he wants it NOW, regardless of whether it's the stereo, a sippy cup, or the shower curtain. And when Mommy and Daddy, for the sake of keeping him safe and themselves sane, dare to tell him no, or remove him from the situation, a full scale meltdown is usually the result.
If you've never seen a toddler tantrum, it's vaguely reminiscent of the end of the world as we know it. There is lots of screaming, screeching, flailing limbs and shaking heads. And that's usually just me.

Okay, I'm kidding, but toddler tantrums are no fun for anyone. And when I went in search of ways to ease these tantrums, I found the exact opposite of what I was hoping for. Every pediatrician, every mother, even every behavioral expert I found declared emphatically that these tantrums are completely and totally normal. They are also to be expected as a toddler usually has not yet learned how to control extremes in emotion. This was NOT what I wanted to hear. I wanted the magic trick that would immediately calm my screeching son when I have to take him away from the VCR for the fifteenth time that day. But there is no magic trick. There is however, a greater likelihood that any toddler will have a meltdown if they are tired, hungry, stressed, or somehow frustrated. Knowing this gives us all a better chance of avoiding these tantrums at certain times.

Making sure Alex has eaten BEFORE we go out to a restaurant for instance, ensures that he's not having to sit around the table, hungry and not understanding why he can't eat right away (Though in truth I have to give proper credit for this idea to Grandma and Grandpa Remeta, who gave me that suggestion WAY before I read it in any book! Thanks guys!).

Redirection also works well. If your toddler always throws a tantrum in the middle of the grocery store, try figuring out just what is setting them off. If your little one is just too overstimulated at the store (all those choices, colors, and people can be a bit much for some kids), give your spouse grocery duty, or put them on babysitting duty so you can shop alone. If that's not feasible, try redirecting your little one with specific questions. "Should we have meatloaf or chicken for dinner?" "Do you want noddles or broccoli to go with?" This often requires some quick thinking on your part, but the engaged toddler who feels a part of the decision making process is well worth the mental strain. Make sure however, to be specific in your questions, using an either or scenario, rather than "What should we have for dinner?" Open ended questions are too broad and can further frustrate your little one.

Stick to a schedule. No one can continuously stick to the same schedule, but make it a point to stick as close as you can whenever you can. Naptimes should be the same time every day whenever possible. Avoid running errands just before your toddler is due for a nap or right before mealtimes. Try to run errands around the same time every day so your toddler knows what to expect ahead of time.

All that being said, expect a tantrum every so often, just to keep you on your toes. There are a few simple and easy rules to follow when dealing with a tantrum, to prevent them escalating in the future.

- Stay calm.
- Don't react with anger or shouting.
- Don't give in to your toddlers demands.
- Do comfort your toddler as much as possible.
- Do express that you understand the problem.
- If possible, do remove your child from the situation.
- Afterwards, don't punish a toddler for a tantrum. Instead, soothe them as much as possible and work on explaining that they will not always get what they want.

Armed with this new information, I am off to stand guard over the VCR!!