Another Hospital Visit

I'm tired. Dog ass dead friggin' tired. Was back in the hospital last night for IV fluids, meds and nutrients because my hyperemesis is back with a bang (so much for the third trimester reprieve I was praying for) and had me throwing up everything I so much as looked at all Sunday and Monday. To add to the ever increasing number of issues I seem to be having with this pregnancy, I also failed my glucose screening from last Friday and now have to go in next week for the three hour tolerance test. As far as I can tell this means drinking even MORE of the nasty glucose drink, and getting blood drawn not once, but FOUR times, once before and once per hour to see how your body is processing the sugar. We'll see what happens, but it honestly wouldn't surprise me to have gestational diabetes, especially since the only damn things I can keep down with this HG is sugars and carbs. Don't think they can do much about the HG, so it will just be handling the GD as much as possible if it comes back positive. I hope this child provides well for me in my old age, because I have damn sure earned it so far.

I'm ready for Nick to be home. The end of the month can't come soon enough and even though Alex is pretty much an angel most of the time, he's still an almost two year old, and with that comes some expected tantrums, getting into things, chasing the dog, trying to eat borax laundry powder (which he did this afternoon and had me in tears I was so afraid he ate some of it - thankfully he did not and as a result I avoid an UMPTEENTH trip to a hospital), rearranging kitchen furniture, climbing on tables, demanding snacks and meals at random times, screeching at the top of his lungs just for fun, and the list goes on. But more than dealing with Alex and taking care of the elderly dog and cleaning the house, I just want my husband back. He keeps me centered when the whole world seem to be swirling madly around my head, and he does, in the simplest terms, keep me strong. I don't enjoy breaking down into a hormonal, blubbering mess, and I find myself doing that a lot more since he's been gone.

The whole combination, Nick being gone, Alex being two, the baby growing, the HG, the possible GD, the exhaustion, it has me longing for my girls. And by my girls I mean my high school girls. You all know who you are. The people who would be by my side whenever I needed, holding my hair back and cracking jokes while I got sick over and over. Making mac and cheese out of a box and somehow making it taste like prime rib. Even just sitting on the couch watching a chick flick with me so I don't feel so goddamn alone in all this. I miss you guys. You guys have always been my rock.


As for now, I'm gonna do what I've been doing. Look cool and collected on the surface and struggle like hell to emotionally deal with all this behind closed doors. I don't know why I do things that way, I just do. Now if you'll excuse me I'm gonna go cry myself to sleep and recount the days until this kid is born so my life can return to a somewhat normal state of chaos.