Merry Go Round, I Hate You

When it comes to my oldest son's medical issues, I feel like I'm on the worlds most awful merry go round, and I want to get off. More than that, I want to be able to get HIM off the d*mn thing too. He's been through too much. He's been stuck and x-rayed and examined and iv'd and tested and essentially tortured because no one can seem to help resolve his respiratory/allergy/sinus issues. He has many, MANY days where he is your typical average 4 year old boy.

And then he'll lay down to go to sleep.

It'll start with a cough. Minimal, every couple minutes or so.

It'll stop, I'll think. He'll get his throat clear and he'll fall asleep and everything will be fine.

Then it'll get worse. And worse. And before I can say "Come on Mother Nature, give him a BREAK already!" he'll be sitting up in bed, coughing so hard he's gagging, and gagging so hard he throws up.

Then what happens? Go back up and start from the "he'll lay down to go to sleep" part and repeat continuously. Sometimes these episodes will result in him needing more asthma medicine, more breathing treatments. Sometimes it results in an ER visit when he simply can't stop and he's worn himself out from the constant gagging. ALWAYS it results in me wracking my brain, what did he do today? What did he eat? Was he around a cat? Could it have been the new juice he tried at lunch? What is it? What is it? WHAT IS IT?

Because if I have something I can recognize, I can eliminate it. I can put on my Mommy armor and completely kick the ever loving bejesus out of anything that dares to make my little guy sick. But I don't have one single thing that always causes a problem. I have no "okay yeah, this is what set him off, now we know better." Instead I'm fighting a war with an invisible foe and his sneaky behind is winning so far.

So I ranted and raved all that to tell you this. Next week, my son, my child, my blonde haired, blue eyed angel that I love more than life has to have surgery. AGAIN. They are yanking his tonsils, opening up his sinuses and replacing his ear tubes. He will be in surgery for at least 2 and a half hours and these people expect me to hold it together and not go tearing into that ER to make sure they aren't hurting my son. They expect me to be accepting of the fact that they get to torture him yet again, that he will be in pain for at least a week afterward, and that though this will hopefully help, there are no guarantees. This is a routine surgery, he will be fine and he will recover and he will forget all about it. But please keep him in your thoughts. Pray that the Lord gives him the strength to bounce back quickly and to be brave.

And while you're at it, if you could put in a "please help his mom not kill anyone", that might help too.